Icecapades with Rollerblades

The title should say it all; anytime I play arenas it is an absolute cluster fuck and It's not that I'm inexperienced in queueing to say the least. Let me first explain a little bit about my background with WoW. I started playing in Vanilla as a Night Elf Rogue, after some friends convinced me I needed this game in my life. I left a party where alcoholic beverages were being served (I was hosting said Kegger in my own rental home) to go to Ghetto-Mart and purchase this encrypted software which equates to having no life. I eventually leveled the Rogue to 60 just in-time to miss out on all the fun raids where you actually earned your purples. None of this Archavon bullshit when WotLK came out. Anyway, I digress. I raided all through BC, arenaed in all 4 seasons on said Rogue, leveled to 80 in WotLK raided Naxxlawlmas, got purples and liquidated my holdings in Blizzard Assets to some nerd in a Coffee Shop for $800. At the time I probably had the best geared Rogue on the server for peeveepenis.

Life went on, I got a girlfriend, got my grades up, and then Karial started playing again, FML. I immediately reactivated a RAF account we used to wtfpwn some Alts to 60 with and eventually led to the creation of Naughtybits The Argent Champion, Savior of the Alliance. Really, I'm a badass. After leveling that stupid Paladin to 80, I needed a Rogue cause well, I like ganking people and then hiding like a little bitch. This brings us to the present time where I have an Paladin who gets suckered into raids to tank (I don't mind it, however I'm not there for your benefit) and a Rogue who doesn't have the best gear, but I can outplay the pants off of most anybody.

This particular story takes place last night on December 6th where I was doing our weekly 2s in the 1500 MMR bracket (tough amirite?) with a friend named Begus who we met through a mutual frat friend named kermit ze frog. Begus is a destro warlock who recently discovered he should use a Succubus for CC and that Demonology has talent points to reduce that CC to almost instant. Needless to say once he made this realization our rating went from 1k and falling to 1400 and rising. Another downfall with Begus is that he still lives at home and attempts to disguise his WoW endeavors by not talking on vent, even though he is creepily listening. It makes it very frustrating when I yell in vent to Kill the fucking rogue and he responds by typing DURING THE MATCH I was CCing the paladin (just an example, nothing like this has ever happened).

In our 10 games last night we went 5-5 prior to my emorage/logoff/qguit/uninstall/hammersmash harddrive actions I took. how i gquit after I logged off I will never know. In the first match we played a mage/rogue. In this bracket I can usually destroy a rogue before he even knows what hit him, So i ask Begus to start dueling the mage 1v1 and I will wait for the rogue, Then we can hard switch. I feel confident that he understands, which I guess is my own fault. I'm mashing my Sap macro as my little gnome feet are doing whimiscle circles around the arena floor (figured I should make some reference to the title) when BAM i get icelanced outta stealth... How the fuuuuuuuuck did that happen, whatever I Vanish and due to said vanish i see the Rogue before he sees me and SAP woohoo we're getting the opener. As I sap Begus get's Poly'd and my Mod starts squaking that he used his trinket. I don't understand, but whatever, he gets poly'd immediately (this is one smart mage) So i resap the rogue, hoping somewhere in here we actually get the opener. I say fuck it, cheap the rogue, rupture, mutilate blah blah blah, essentially the rogue is almost dead before the mage even has time to Poly me, I cloak it cause im pro, and finish the rogue. The mage just won't stand for this, turns and cockslaps begus in the face with that stupid Ice tomb spell and I'm now short one arena partner in the time it takes for me to reset. I really hoped he would've teleported Line of sight (like we discussed) or possibly Saved his trinket for when it was useful, not when there was no pressure. After each match we discuss what went wrong, usually im telling him what he did wrong regardless of my own faults. I asked why he trinketed said Poly, "Well they were about to open on you and I didn't want you to die." was the stellar response I got, I simply cried a little on the inside and informed him I can't get opened on when im sapping the rogue since I'm stealthed. Oh i lost that match too since Frost Mages are fucking invincible when I have 0 cooldowns. I bet if I had a Preparation for my Preparation He'd still wreck my fucking face.

The second match in question was against double stealth. In the early seconds of the match I could see how this could be construed as a frost mage/rogue after 30 seconds however, clearly it is not. This team gave my Begus Buddy ample time to set up his Teleport and wtfescape should anything ridiculous happen, perhaps a stun/pounce/bleed/rupture/combo that eats anything. You know, the druid/rogue opener. Well we faced a druid rogue and he was able to get away since I sapped the rogue cause he was looking for me without a sap macro, Tab Mash just doesn't work folks. Anyway the druid opens on him, his teleport is not set up LoS from the druid, since he's really good at geometry and the druid Kitty Jumps and i think an auto attack killed my little buddy. The rogue is just about dead till i get instant cycloned (cool idea blizzard) the druid heals him to full and I quickly leave arena to avoid the embarassment. I ask Begus after the match why he it was called when he wasn't alive and he said sorry, he didn't know the cats could jump out of stealth. I let that one go, it is an honest mistake, I think.

We got so lucky and played the previous team again, We had a MUCH better opening since I sapped the Druid this time as the rogue jumped Begus. I stunlocked the Rogue and I'm screaming that he needs to be on the Rogue. As i watch immolate break my 10 second sap and this Cat come flying through the air to eat begus yet again a couple of thoughts come to mind. The Cat continues to lose health at an equal rate of the rogue, which is silly cause warlocks don't have chain lightening. I get insta cycloned again and before My happy little ass can trinket vanish cheapshot the rogue, Begus gets liiiiiiiiiit the fuxx up and we lose 15 more points to this cocksuckers. After that Match I'm a little irritated and ask Begus

Me: "Why weren't you on the Rogue?"
Begus "I was on the Rogue but that fucking druid kept chasing after me"
Me: "well that makes since because he can't do damage unless he's in melee range, However, why was the druid losing health?"
Stellar 2's partner: "I wasn't on the fucking druid, I was on the fucking rogue, He had a yellow energy bar, I know what the fuck a rogue is."
Me: "Rogues can't be Cats, queue up"

Other matches go really well following these awful moments and people start joining vent for this terribad Ulduar 10 Hard modes I'm convinced to tank in a few minutes. However our final match is against a Priest/Surv Hunter and I call out the Hunter as the target, I get into position, Sap the priest, and open on the hunter. Why the fuck does the priest have immolate on him and fear in my unit frames? I'm not too sure but I think Gladius is bugging out, there is no possible way my partner can be DPSing the priest. After some quick thinking and fast button mashing the hunter is almost dead, i've blown most of my cooldowns and I see this human warlock HOP OFF THE SIDE OF BLADES EDGE ARENA IN PURSUIT OF THE PRIEST. Dubbya Tee Eff in the words of Karial. I'm screaming in vent, people are laughing at me, infact 4-5 people due to the raiders joining up. I'm not a screamer, normally I play wow for the enjoyment and relaxing factors (where the fuck are those again?) I get fucking frozen with no cooldowns, no trinket, and this cocksucker of a hunter has 214 hp / 25k or something. Needless to say, One immolate at any point in time would've killed this asshole, I'm screaming to kill the fucking hunter kill the fucking hunter. This priest is running all the way around the map, the hunter turns and disengages away from me and flies towards his priest for some awesome penance, I watch the chaos bolt fly through the air at the fucking hunter as he makes his 'flying camel donut drop illusion spin' (real ice skating trick, look it up) when BAM the hunter dies in midair and we can 2v1 the priest. While this makes me really happy on the inside, My throat hurts from screaming, we should've beat them in less than half that time, and My partner is sitting there talking about how awesome that was, 'we' really fucked them up, damn that was awesome blah blah blah.

My screaming scared people out of vent (minus our guildleader Seth who just enjoys the emorage of Arenas) and when I change channels for this Ulduar to get away from Begus I hear Raithen telling the story for all to enjoy, painful.

I absolutely hate World of Arenas.